What Do You Mean?

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A bear walks into a restaurant and says, “I want a grilled…………… cheese please.”

The waiter asks, “What’s with the pause?”

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The bear replies. “What do you mean, I’m a bear aren’t I?

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Please keep your do

“Please keep your dog beside you, sir,” a woman said crossly to the man sitting opposite to her on the bench at the park. “I can feel a flea in my shoe.” “Midnight, come here,” replied the man. “This woman has fleas.”

Bunny Tales

Mother rabbit to her small bunny:

“A magician pulled you out of a hat. Now stop asking questions.”

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Posted in Animal Jokes

Next Door

Dad I think the Smiths next door are angry at us.” “Why is that?”

“They’re probably mad because our dog can retrieve the newspaper, and theirs can’t.” “How could you possibly know that? We don’t even subscribe to the paper.” “Yeah, that’s probably got something to do with it, too.”

 

Posted in Animal Jokes

A Fish Walks Into a Bar

A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks, “What would you like?”

The fish says holding his neck, “Water.”

 

Posted in Animal Jokes

Hair Spray

A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road.

He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side […]

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

A. Dam!

 

Posted in Animal Jokes

Dogagram

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:

“Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

The dog replied, “But that would make […]

The Lion Whisperer

Did you hear about the two explorers, Bob and John who were going through the jungle when a ferocious lion jumped out in front of them?

Bob whispered to John to keep calm. Bob asked John if he remembered what they had read in the book on wild animals.

“If you stand absolutely still and […]

Reasons for speeding

A frog telephones a psychic hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

“Great,” says the frog, “Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” said the psychic, “Next year – in biology class.”

 

Posted in Animal Jokes