The Valentine Grade

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My high school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart shaped box of […]

Wake Up Call

An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The clerk mentioned the phone service the establishment made available for calling guests who wished to rise at an early hour.

“No need for that, young man,” snapped the old timer. “I always wake up at five A.M. sharp without an alarm clock.”

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The Wheelchair

Q: What did the kid say to his mom when he saw a man in a wheelchair?

A: Mommy, why did that transformer break halfway through.

Chocolate Peanuts

An old lady offers a bus driver some peanuts. So the driver happily eats them. Every 5 minutes she hands him another handful of peanuts.

Driver: “Why don’t you eat them yourself?”

Old Lady: “I can’t chew look I have no teeth.”

Driver: “Then why do you buy them?”

Old lady: “I just love the […]

Dam!!!

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?

A: “Dam.”

 

Posted in Q and A Jokes

Speeding Ticket

So I’m heading up to my parents house driving like 90 mph when a lady cop pulls me over, comes up to my car and she’s like…

“Young man, speeding? I’ve been waiting for you all day.”

I look up to her and I say, “I’m so sorry I’m late officer, I got here as […]

Buyout

An Investment Broker asked his client if he wanted to get a hot tip and the client naturally said, “yes.” “Well, we heard that Colonel Sanders is buying out Schick razor company,” said the broker. Client: “Are they going to change their name?” Broker: “I heard that they were going to call it Chicken-Schick”

Marriage Certificate

Wife: “What are you doing?”

Husband : “Nothing.”

Wife : “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”

Husband : “I was looking for the expiration date.”

I’m going home now.

Teacher: “Whoever answers my next question, can go home.”

One boy throws his bag out the window.

Teacher: “Who just threw that?”

Boy: “Me, and I’m going home now.”

Poor Ol Bob

Poor old Bob sent his photograph off to a Lonely Hearts Club.

They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely