75 Flights

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Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights […]

Six or Twelve?

An Antartian ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.

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The Antartian replies, “Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.”

A Talented Cook

A cannibal chief invited over another cannibal chief from a different tribe over for dinner. They sit down and eat the best meat.

After dinner, the visiting cannibal chief said, “Wow that was good! Your wife makes the best meat.”

Then the other cannibal chief said, “Yeah, I’m gonna miss her…”

After Surgery Bliss

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You are beautiful.”

Then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side.

A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open […]

Egyptian Back Trouble

A woman on the phone to her friend;

Q. Where did the Egyptian Mummy go to get her back fixed?

A. The Cairo..practor!

Any Cops Following Us?

Two Antartians were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph.

“Hey,” asked Bob, who was at the wheel, “any cops following us?”

Henry, his passenger, turned around and had a long look at the road behind them.

“Yeah, looks like it,” he responded.

“Are his flashers on?” asked Bob.

Henry turned around again…

[…]

Three Idiots

There were three idiots who were in another country and they didn’t know the language.

So they decided that they would go to the local village and they would each learn one new phrase.

So they went to the village, and the first idiot was watching a girl sing, “Me,me,me,me,me!!” So that was the first […]

You forgot to sign your name!

A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him.

The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT.

Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said:

I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the […]

House Cleaning

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”

“We’re short-handed, Smith,” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”

“Thanks, boss,” says Smith, […]

Work Terror

Building Security has notified us that there have been 5 suspected terrorists working at our office.

Four of the five have been apprehended.

Bin Sleeping, Bin Loafing, Bin Gossiping, and Bin Surfing have been taken into custody.

Security advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of the fifth cell member Bin […]