Positive Outlook

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1. Open a new file in your PC.

2. Name it “Housework.”

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN.

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN.

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5. Your PC will ask you, “Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?”

6. Answer calmly, “Yes,” and press the mouse button firmly….

7. Feel better?

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The Cabdriver and the Nun

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. […]

Chocolate Peanuts

An old lady offers a bus driver some peanuts. So the driver happily eats them. Every 5 minutes she hands him another handful of peanuts.

Driver: “Why don’t you eat them yourself?”

Old Lady: “I can’t chew look I have no teeth.”

Driver: “Then why do you buy them?”

Old lady: “I just love the […]

Dam!!!

Q: What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?

A: “Dam.”

 

Posted in Q and A Jokes

Clean Dirty Joke

You wanna hear a dirty joke?

A boy fell in a mud puddle.

You wanna hear a clean joke?

He took a bath.

 

Posted in Simple Jokes

Speeding Ticket

So I’m heading up to my parents house driving like 90 mph when a lady cop pulls me over, comes up to my car and she’s like…

“Young man, speeding? I’ve been waiting for you all day.”

I look up to her and I say, “I’m so sorry I’m late officer, I got here as […]

Fried Chicken

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.”

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my […]

Highway Painting

Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked Sardar why he kept painting less each day? He replied, “I just can’t do any […]

Levi’s at the Garage Sale

I spotted several pairs of men’s Levi’s at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. “I’m still wearing the 33s,” he said. “Come back next year.”

 

Posted in Miscellaneous Jokes […]

Holidays

The boss invites his employee: – Do you like warm beer? – Of course not. – And do you like sweaty women? – No. – So you will go on holiday during the winter months.