The Wheelchair

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Q: What did the kid say to his mom when he saw a man in a wheelchair?

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A: Mommy, why did that transformer break halfway through.

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Speeding Ticket

So I’m heading up to my parents house driving like 90 mph when a lady cop pulls me over, comes up to my car and she’s like…

“Young man, speeding? I’ve been waiting for you all day.”

I look up to her and I say, “I’m so sorry I’m late officer, I got here as […]

Marriage Certificate

Wife: “What are you doing?”

Husband : “Nothing.”

Wife : “Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.”

Husband : “I was looking for the expiration date.”

I’m going home now.

Teacher: “Whoever answers my next question, can go home.”

One boy throws his bag out the window.

Teacher: “Who just threw that?”

Boy: “Me, and I’m going home now.”

Poor Ol Bob

Poor old Bob sent his photograph off to a Lonely Hearts Club.

They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely

Personal Preference

What is 2+2? To the mathematician it is 4.

To the philosopher “it depends how you define the concept of 2″

To the accountant “what would you like it to be.”

Lawyer Bills

A man was checking his itemised lawyers bill. One item read:-

Spotted you across the street. Crossed over to discuss a legal point in your case. When I got there it was not you after all.

20 dollars

You Lawyers Make Me Sick!

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

“Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beemer!” he whined.

“You lawyers are so […]

Congratulations on you new location

A new business was opening, and one of the owner’s friends sent flowers for the occasion. But when the owner read the card with the flowers, it said. “Rest in Peace”

The owner was little upset and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist about the obvious mistake, the florist said, […]

Dear Dad, No Mon, No Fun…

A young man studying in a college abroad sent this SMS to his father: “Dear dad, no mon, no fun, your son.”

The father replied: “Dear son, too bad, so sad, your dad.”