The Valentine Grade

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My high school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart shaped box of […]

When Your Brother Names Your Kids

A woman was rushed into the hospital in an ambulance as she was just about to give birth to twins. She wasn’t able to reach her husband, so she left message with her brother, who was going to meet her at the hospital. At the hospital the lady was in such pain that she had […]

Who Gets What?

Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her math classes:

“A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?”

After a […]

Fish and Cauliflower for Dinner

One evening, a family sat down for dinner. The mother served fish and cauliflower. They were all eating, until the boy, chewing on his fish, found a bone.

He pulled it out of his mouth and asked, “Mom, what do I do with this?”

“Put it where you’re sure you won’t eat it,” said his […]

Can You Write In the Dark?

“Dad, Can you write in the dark?”

“I think so. What is it you want me to write?”

“Your name on this report card.”

How much money do you have then?

Teacher: Suppose you have $10 and you asked your brother for $5.

How much would you have then?

Student: $10

Teacher: why?

Student: My brother wont give me any.

A Bad Day

A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.

“What’s the matter, son,” asked his mother.

“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “it’s my marks. They’re all wet.”

“What do you mean, “all wet”?”

“I mean,” he replied, “below C-level.”

Next Door

Dad I think the Smiths next door are angry at us.” “Why is that?”

“They’re probably mad because our dog can retrieve the newspaper, and theirs can’t.” “How could you possibly know that? We don’t even subscribe to the paper.” “Yeah, that’s probably got something to do with it, too.”

 

Posted in Animal Jokes

High Tech Baby

Did you hear about the baby that was born in a high tech. hospital?

It came out cordless!

Hello Ginger!

“Hello, Ginger!” Her brother called cheerily to his sister.

“Don’t call me Ginger!” she snapped furiously. “My hair is the color of gold.”

“Yeah,” he replied with a jeer, “twenty-two carrots!”